To my husband,
When we met a decade ago, I honestly never could have imagined where we would be. I’m not usually inclined to state my feelings, and after 10 years I’m so grateful that you don’t hold that against me. But sometimes I realize I don’t take the time to tell you all of the things I think about you, and I hope that doesn’t make you believe that you’re not incredibly special to me. Though I’m sure it doesn’t help.
I’m certainly not the easiest person in the world co-habitate with, especially after 10pm. But you are the closest thing to a saint I will probably ever be allowed to come into contact with, so it’s only fair that at some point I tell you honestly what I think about you.
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After this weekend, I just have to start with the fact that you are the best crew in the freaking world. You tell me to eat and sleep well before I think I need to, and even when I’m cranky (because I waited too long to eat and sleep) you don’t say “I told you so.” You just make me the most delicious quesadillas and set up the couch so I can snooze.
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I also want to tell you that I know I am not the best when it comes to prioritizing things. I’m type-a and obsessive, and I can’t count the number of rabbit holes I have willingly dug for myself with almost impressive tunnel vision. I know that when I set my focus on something big, I often forget to look up for far too long. Sometimes this tendency serves me well, but I know it doesn’t make for an easy partnership.
I hope you know that I know, and that I’ll keep trying to remember to look up. Because the rabbit holes aren’t what I care most about. I’ll keep working to get better at this, and I appreciate the fact that you remind me to shift my focus when I’m not taking care of myself or spending enough time with the people I love most (you and Enrique, to be clear). I know it’s not always easy to have grace for this personality quirk, so I really appreciate it.
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There are so many things that you are better at than me, and I’m grateful for all of them. Even though it frustrates me that you nailed a muscle up on your second week of CrossFit. That shit just isn’t fair. You’re better at cooking, relaxing, and playing than I am. You also force me to spend money on myself and my passions. So thanks for making sure I don’t run in 2 year old shoes. But please don’t make me actually go shopping; we both know it makes me cranky.
And while we’re on the subject of thank you’s, there are probably a million little things I am grateful for that I don’t actually say thank you for enough. So, feel free to print this out and put a frame around it, because here’s a short list:
- Thank you for always setting up my coffee before you go to bed. I’m not coordinated in the morning before coffee, and it makes my morning 10x easier.
- Thank you for coming to every single race. I know I always say you don’t have to, but I really love seeing your face at the finish line.
- Thank you for not hating my 5am Saturday alarm. It would probably be a deal breaker for a lot of men.
- Thank you for cooking me 10 thousand meals and not letting me get hangry. With the volume of food that I consume, this is no easy feat.
- Thank you for never being annoyed or angry that 90% of our vacations revolve around me running a race. I promise we’ll take a real beach vacation again. I hear there’s an amazing ultra-marathon in Hawaii….
- Thank you for being gracious when things aren’t equitable. There are long periods of time where you do all of the things. There are days that you tell me to go to bed at 7pm, because my training is insane. There are months where you do so many things that go unnoticed. I like to hope that it all comes out in wash in the end, but realistically you still probably do more. And you do a lot of the things that I don’t want to. So thank you for always doing way more than your fair share.
And all of these thank you’s mean so much more to me, because I know you don’t always love all of my crazy ideas. And no one on this planet could blame you, because it’s a whole lot of insanity going on in my head. But even if it takes you some time to chew on things and talk things out, you never hold me back. That is something that is completely priceless to me, and I am eternally grateful.
I know that you don’t love the fact that I always seem compelled to be moving in some sort of new direction, and the goals always seem bigger. The distances are longer. The weights are heavier. The paces are faster. And all of these goals take time; the one thing we can’t buy more of. And as much as I promise to keep trying to pick my head up and enjoy the time we have together, I also hope you have a deep understanding that running, working out, and chasing my big dreams make me a better, happier person.
So thank you for allowing me the space to be my own person. The time to pursue the things that light me up. And to be ok with the fact that some of those things are just mine. Because it takes a lot of security to stand firmly in the knowledge that your wife needs to be her own person and chase her own dreams. Society makes that seem strange and it probably makes some people uncomfortable. Thank you for not trying to make me be anyone I am not. I have the courage to be and love myself in a way I didn’t know before I met you, because you have always loved me for the person I am.
Speaking of the person I am, I know it takes a whole lot of patience to hang out with me all of the time. I don’t even want to hang out with me all of the time. I can be selfish and cranky and have really high expectations of the people in my life. Thanks for keeping up with me and always giving me grace, even when I struggle to give it to myself.
Finally, the one thing I hope you really hear is that I could not be the mom, athlete, or human I am without your support. You always have my back, and having you in my corner, always steady, gives me the confidence to go after the things that are important to me. I’ve learned to accept failure and being messy partly because you accept all my of messiness. And I wouldn’t be able to achieve anything without that.
So, really, what it comes down to is I wouldn’t be able to achieve what I have without your presence in my life. And I can’t wait to keep celebrating all of our accomplishments from here to forever.
PS, I apologize in advance about the fact that you are likely mortified. XO!